No name, cracky 2Min oneshot SHINee
by Mitsukai Tacchi
Summary: “Alright, what’s going on?” I asked, cringing when Jinki slid to the floor with a loud groan. “Close the door.” Kibum hissed, his eyes twinkling with what I could only describe as pure, utter insanity. Kibum is curious about Taemin's...body.


When I walked into our dorm's computer room that day and spotted all three of my hyungs bent over the single computer, I became curious. When I heard the hushed murmurs slipping through their lips, I became concerned. When they turned and saw me, and Kibum's eyes flashed with that glint, I was terrified. The only time he had _that_ glint in his eyes were on the nights that he and Jinki disappeared for their 'alone time.'

"I'm just going to…go." I said and quickly began to back out of the door. I had no clue what the three of them were up to, and I didn't want to find out.

"Minho wait! We have a question!" Kibum called and jumped out of the chair. He quickly ran up to me and wrapped his long fingers around my forearm, feebly trying to pull me further into the room. His strength proved to be no match for my height.

"No, he was a question." Jinki sighed and pressed both of his hands over his eyes, clearly exasperated with his wife. "I want nothing to do with this."

"You know you're just as curious as I am!" Kibum snapped, leaning back and using his body weight to keep me anchored. "Choi Minho, if you don't listen to me I am not cooking for you for a month…okay a week…okay you don't get dinner tonight!"

"Oh the horror." I retorted and easily jerked my arm out of his grasp. "I really don't think I want to know what you three are doing."

"I really don't care if…um…I just don't care!" Jinki cried and turned to bang his head against the wall. "This is entirely ridiculous and inappropriate!"

"I have to admit." Jonghyun started, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "I am…kind of curious. He does look like the type."

Now they had me curious. My instincts were screaming at me to run for cover, to just get away from the chaos sure to come if I asked what they were talking about…but I couldn't help myself.

"Alright, what's going on?" I asked, cringing when Jinki slid to the floor with a loud groan.

"Close the door." Kibum hissed, his eyes twinkling with what I could only describe as pure, utter insanity.

*~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~*

"You want to know WHAT?" I gasped, appalled at the words that had just slid out of Kibum's mouth.

"Well, I've been reading a lot of stuff written by fans…they seem totally convinced that _it_ is huge. Some site's call it their mascot! Have you seen it or not?" Kibum replied. He didn't seem at all embarrassed that he had just asked me if I had ever seen our magnae _naked._

"You're sick." I gasped. My head shook side to side and my eyes were wide with shock. "You're his _mother. _How can you be thinking like that?"

"I'm not his real mother, Minho. I'm a teenager! I'm a guy! My mind has a tendency to think about these things! I'm seen all of you naked except for him!"

"You've what?" I yelled, leaping out of the chair that Kibum had placed me in for his question.

"Yeah, what?" Jonghyun added, perking up and standing straighter against the wall to my left. "I thought Jinki was the only one you spied on."

"He spies on me? You spy on me?" Jinki yelped in shock.

"Oh hush up." Kibum sighed, rolling his eyes and trying to push me back into the chair. "It was only once and it was your fault. The rest of us lock the door when we do things that make us a little…distracted. Hell, Jinki and I just leave the dorm all together."

"I can never look you in the eyes again!" I cried and hunched over in the chair, knowing full well what Kibum was referring to. It was only once in the bedroom. I told every one else that I was tired and Kibum demanded that I take a nap. Unfortunately, I had a rather…arousing dream, involving none other than the magnae in question. I didn't actually want the others knowing that I was awake yet…or see me make my way to the bathroom, so I just took care of things in the bedroom. It turns out that sound of the door clicking wasn't my imagination.

"I always lock the door!" Jonghyun snapped, crossing his arms angrily.

"You're joking! You spy on me?" Jinki asked again, his voice rising to a slightly higher pitch.

"I know, Jonghyun, it took me almost forever to catch you! Start locking the door when you're getting dressed commando." Kibum sighed, shaking his head as if the three of us were being irrational.

"Tell me you're not serious, Kibum!" Jinki yelled. I lifted my head to see him staring wide eyed at his partner.

"Of shut up, Jinki. We all knew." I sighed.

"Well you can't blame me!" Kibum cried when Jinki's face turned to angry. "I mean…seriously guys…_look at him_."

"I'd rather not." I replied, it wasn't Jinki that I wanted mental pictures of.

"Guys, we're getting too off topic." Kibum snapped, waving his hands in front of his chest to silence all of us. "So absolutely none of us know?"

Jinki, Jonghyun, and I all responded with a synchronized "no." I was getting to the point where absolutely nothing was surprising me anymore so I figured I'd just stick around to see where the conversation went.

"Well then." Our mother figure smiled. That smile scared me, again. "We'll just need to find out. Who wants to do it?"

"Do what?" Jinki asked, his voice became stern and it held the same caution that was running through my mind. I did _not_ like what I thought Kibum was implying.

"Figure it out! It shouldn't be _that_ hard. He never locks the door when he takes a shower. We just need to time it right and _accidentally_ walk in just as he steps out."

"No!" Jinki snapped, pushing himself off of the wall. "That is a total invasion of privacy. I'm not flipping out that you spy on me because…well…"

"You've spied on me, too?"

"You knew?"

"Yeah, just continue."

"Because Taemin isn't your boyfriend! He's innocent and young and…and…as the fan proclaimed father figure of this dorm I will not let my son be corrupted by you."

"Fine then, let Minho do it."

"No!" I snapped, again jumping out of my chair.

"Oh come ON, Minho! It's not like you don't _want_ to see him naked!" Kibum laughed, rolling his eyes.

"Why would he want to see the kid naked?" Jonghyun asked. He seemed as shocked as I was to hear those words coming from our mom's mouth.

"You knew?" I gasped. I thought I had hid my feelings for the younger boy well during the long time we had all lived together.

"I was right!" Kibum yelled, turning to jump into Jinki's arms. "You know what you owe me!"

"Oh God damn it, Minho!" Jinki yelled, his arms barely seemed to be able to support the boy that was perched in his arms and his face was drained off all color.

"You bet on whether I like Taemin or not?" I asked, utterly shocked at the things I was learning about my hyungs.

"What did you bet?" Jonghyun asked. He seemed to be enjoying the events taking place in that room more than anyone.

"I get to top!" Kibum hissed, leaning down to plant a kiss on Jinki's round lips.

"That's it, I'm out of here. I'll be with Seung ri or something." Jonghyun laughed, quickly bolting out the door. "Good luck, Minho!" I could hear the slam of the front door moments later.

"I think we're going to head out, too." Kibum said, hopping out of Jinki's arms and turning to drag his boyfriend towards the door. "Don't expect us back until sometime tomorrow."

"Tonight? We're doing this tonight?" Jinki squeaked, dragging his heels in an attempt to escape the wrath of his partner.

"Yes tonight. I've been waiting for this for too long." Kibum laughed before disappearing out the door. No more than three minutes passed before he walked back past the still open computer room's door, bag in one hand, terrified boyfriend in the other.

"Help me, Minho!" Jinki called as he disappeared down the hallway. "He may seem sweet, but mama's got a dark side!"

"You're on your own." I replied, shaking my head in disbelief at what had just occurred.

"Oh, Minho, text me your…results when you get them. I'll have my cell on silent when we reach the hotel but I'll check it when we're done." Kibum peeked around the doorway. "Oh and close that computer screen before the kid sees it!"

"I'm not doing it." I replied, turning to look at the computer for the first time since coming into the room. "Jesus Christ, Kibum!" I yelled, my eyes meeting a gif of Taemin…focused on his lower half.

"See you tomorrow!" He laughed. Moments later I heard the front door slam, leaving me in complete silence. I didn't waste any time with closing the computer screen. I found that my three older brothers had found many, very many pictures and gifs of our youngest member. I made sure to clear the browsing history, too.

When I was done with the computer, I slowly made my way out of the room and into the living room. Taemin was still in the bedroom doing his homework so I let myself fall onto the cough.

In the fifteen minutes prior, I had learned that our mother figure had seen me naked, Jonghyun occasionally went commando, and I knew more about my parents sex life than I ever wanted to. On top of that, Kibum expected me to walk in on Taemin and learn if his…equipment really deserved the title of a mascot.

"Where did everyone go?" A voice asked, pulling me from my deep thoughts. Taemin was leaning around the doorway to our bedroom. When my head snapped up, he quickly walked around to lean against the wall.

He was wearing a pair of baggy sweatpants, probably Jonghyun's, and one of my button up shirts. The sleeves were way too long for him so he had them rolled up to his elbows, revealing the expanse of white skin stretching from his elbows to hands.

"Um…out." I replied, waving my hands distractedly. There was no way that I could go through with it. I loved him too much to do that to him.

"You okay?" He asked, his brows furrowing with concern.

"Yeah." I sighed, averting my eyes. "Kibum just asked me to do something that I can't do. It's nothing."

"You know, Minho." Taemin started. When a pair of bare feet appeared in front of my lowered eyes I looked up to meet his gaze. "If you want to see me naked." He whispered, pulling a gasp from my mouth. My eyes widened when he stepped close to me, leaning in to place his lips close to my ear. I realized with a small shudder that he had slyly unbuttoned his shirt and when I went to hold him off of me, my hand made contact with his bare chest. Instead of pushing him away as I had originally intended, my long fingers wound their way around his thin stomach and held him in place. "All you have to do is ask."

_As it turns out, the fans were right._


End file.
